The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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