Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
