3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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