remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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