When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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