also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
