awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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