Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
