Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We left an ass print on the piano.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize