It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
