Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
