the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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