who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
