What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
