my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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