Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
