this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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