At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
