I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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