I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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