Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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