Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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