I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
