hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
