The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
