Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
