he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
