My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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