i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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