I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
