Barsexuality is the new black.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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