Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize