toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
