So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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