I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
