I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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