hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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