Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize