I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize