My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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