will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
