Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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