I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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