last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
