see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
