I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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