Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
