I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
