He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You left your phone here
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