If i come over, it means nothing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
