Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
