i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
