he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have fence marks all over my body
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
