I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
