Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
