I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
