as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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