my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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