I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
