Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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