How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
