Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize