jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
