How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
