saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
