so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
