that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
