Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Yo dont text me then not text me

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

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(443): View more from Maryland

One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"

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(989): View more from Michigan

This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning

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