so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
