i barfeds in our rink
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
