O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
