My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
