I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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