I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize