Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize