you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
