that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
