Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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