Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
