you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
