He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
