Dual....:-)
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
