All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
