whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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