i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize