dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
