Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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