last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize