things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize