I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
