Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize