All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
