I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
