he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to align my fucking chakras
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
