Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
