I think my vagina is haunted
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
