VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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