Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
