I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
