guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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