after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
