i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
