Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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