he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
