Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
